Life After Undergraduate School

Today I had a rather interesting conversation with my little brother, Trinton 21, who is on winter break from university. Although I have four other brothers that I love dearly, my little brother and I share added common interest when it comes to social issues, literature, current events and other matters of life.

It is nothing like having a thought-provoking conversation with someone who respects the unwritten rules of dialogue. I say that to say, as Trint and I played catch-up and exchanged ideas, I couldn’t help but to notice how grounded, accurate, and self-assured he has become in asserting his viewpoints.  It is probably fair to presume being a theater major (grad spring 2011) has developed him into the young man that debated for three hours with me today. 

As we continued discussing various topics, he apprehensively mentions his plans for after graduation (travel, working, & school). Of course, me being big sis suggested graduate school. After all, he revealed to me on Thanksgiving that the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill is offering him a free ride to attend their graduate drama program. While I gave him countless reasons why graduate school would be a good choice, nevertheless I could tell from his demeanor that he has his heart set on New York. 

In my heart of hearts I know why NYC is so appealing to Trint…..because I remember not so long ago the Big Apple held promising possibilities for me.

Life in the city that never sleeps.

In the words of Alicia Keys,
In New York,
Concrete jungle where dreams are made of,
There’s nothing you can’t do,
Now you’re in New York,
these streets will make you feel brand new,
the lights will inspire you,
lets hear it for New York, New York, New York!

Shine on Trint, life’s what you make it!

L. Miguel

I think we all wish we could erase some dark times in our lives. But all of life's experiences, bad and good, make you who you are. Erasing any of life's experiences would be a great mistake.
-Luis M.

Operation Enduring Freedom

War is a poor chisel for carving out peace -Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.


Like most American people I do not spend a great deal of time keeping up with the on goings of the war against Al-Qaeda nor with the efforts to eradicate the Afghan Taliban. Until now, sorry to say this war has hit home. Last Thanksgivings (2009), my 23 year old cousin made the announcement that he had decided to join the U.S. Army and was due to report to basic training the first week in December. As you can imagine it was a total shocker to the entire family. Devon’s bubbly, unconventional, and animated lifestyle didn’t exactly fit the sketch of a military person, if there is such a being. It was evident that he was committed to his decision to join the U.S. Army. Not wanting to appear unsupportive the family gathered around Devon to wish him well and of course, to ask him a million questions about his decision. He jokingly answered, “Well, I ain’t doing nothing else, so I might as well go see the world.”

Little did we know, that would be last Thanksgivings we would spend with Devon. Devon was killed in Afghanistan November 27, 2010, two days after Thanksgiving. It is reported that he suffered from wounds when insurgents attacked his unit with a rocket-propelled grenade. He was assigned to Brigade Special Troops Battalion, 10th Mountain Division, Ft. Polk, La.

 http://www.myfoxdfw.com/dpp/news/112910-Dallas-Soldier-Devon-Harris-Killed-in-Action
There are so many unanswered questions going through my mind. Realizing nothing can ever bring Devon back to us, I can only hold on to last the Thanksgivings that we spent together; and resolve to find comfort in knowing that God does not make mistakes.

The United States of America invaded Afghanistan in 2001 (Devon 15 yrs. old) with intentions to dislodge the Taliban regime and to capture Al-Qaeda terrorists. Since that invasion, it is my observation that this has been a costly war both financially and in innocent young lives—“There is no flag large enough to cover the shame of killing innocent people.” Moreover, this war does not appear to be ending anytime soon.

I am convinced the brutality and grounds for war run in both directions. Just as Americans are adamant about protecting its citizens and interests, the Afghan people are devoted to protecting and providing ways to secure futures for their people. Yes, we have American people who are struggling to live above American poverty line, as the Afghan people are facing economic hardships that are probably more severe than the poorest American. Through various research articles, it is my understanding that many Afghan and Pakistan people join the Taliban to gain access to money, food, shelter and protection as a means to survive. I can only imagine what the Afghan people are led to believe about America, just as the American people were manipulated into believing Iraq had weapons of mass destruction.

So who’s right in this war?

Who’s winning this war?

Does the Taliban have a right to assemble as a militia to protect their beliefs/interests?

Do they have the right to torpedo U.S and other military forces that invade their territory?

Should the U.S military pull out of Afghanistan at the risk of appearing weak (defeated)?

Will the Afghan people ever be able to handle its affairs?

Questions…..

Something to think about, the life we live in.

Unleash

Nothing limits achievement like small thinking; nothing expands possibilities like unleashed imagination.
William Arthur Ward

The House at Sugar Beach

Helene Cooper delivers a powerful, honest, and moving story about her personal experiences and documented family history in her book The House at Sugar Beach. From beginning to end, Cooper vividly describes her experiences of growing up in Liberia as a child of wealth to her new life in America.
This is one you will want to read. Creatively Fascinating!





It is no secret, I love memoirs. Especially those that inspire me to appreciate all things about life. I wonder what my life would be like if my ancestors would have decided to take root in Liberia. Would I be that Liberian girl? Interesting....I feel a close sense of connectiveness with my sister Helene.
Life, it's a journey.

2010 President Obama's Back to School Speech, Luv it!

Today is about welcoming all of you, and all of America's students, back to school, even though I know you've been in school for a little bit now. And I can't think of a better place to do it than at Masterman. (Applause.) Because you are one of the best schools in Philadelphia. You are a leader in helping students succeed in the classroom. Just last week, you were recognized by a National Blue Ribbon -- as a National Blue Ribbon School because of your record of achievement. And that is a testament to everybody here -- to the students, to the parents, to the teachers, to the school leaders. It's an example of excellence that I hope communities across America can embrace.


Over the past few weeks, Michelle and I have been getting Sasha and Malia ready for school. And they're excited about it. I'll bet they had the same feelings that you do -- you're a little sad to see the summer go, but you're also excited about the possibilities of a new year. The possibilities of building new friendships and strengthening old ones, of joining a school club, or trying out for a team. The possibilities of growing into a better student and a better person and making not just your family proud but making yourself proud.


But I know some of you may also be a little nervous about starting a new school year. Maybe you're making the jump from elementary to middle school, or from middle school to high school, and you're worried about what that's going to be like. Maybe you're starting a new school. You're not sure how you'll like it, trying to figure out how you're going to fit in. Or maybe you're a senior, and you're anxious about the whole college process; about where to apply and whether you can afford to go to college.


And beyond all those concerns, I know a lot of you are also feeling the strain of some difficult times. You know what's going on in the news and you also know what's going on in some of your own families. You've read about the war in Afghanistan. You hear about the recession that we've been through. And sometimes maybe you're seeing the worries in your parents' faces or sense it in their voice.


So a lot of you as a consequence, because we're going through a tough time a country, are having to act a lot older than you are. You got to be strong for your family while your brother or sister is serving overseas, or you've got to look after younger siblings while your mom is working that second shift. Or maybe some of you who are little bit older, you're taking on a part-time job while your dad's out of work.


And that's a lot to handle. It's more than you should have to handle. And it may make you wonder at times what your own future will look like, whether you're going to be able to succeed in school, whether you should maybe set your sights a little lower, scale back your dreams.


But I came to Masterman to tell all of you what I think you're hearing from your principal and your superintendent, and from your parents and your teachers: Nobody gets to write your destiny but you. Your future is in your hands. Your life is what you make of it. And nothing -- absolutely nothing -- is beyond your reach, so long as you're willing to dream big, so long as you're willing to work hard. So long as you're willing to stay focused on your education, there is not a single thing that any of you cannot accomplish, not a single thing. I believe that.


And that last part is absolutely essential, that part about really working hard in school, because an education has never been more important than it is today. I'm sure there are going to be times in the months ahead when you're staying up late doing your homework or cramming for a test, or you're dragging yourself out of bed on a rainy morning and you're thinking, oh, boy, I wish maybe it was a snow day. (Laughter.)


But let me tell you, what you're doing is worth it. There is nothing more important than what you're doing right now. Nothing is going to have as great an impact on your success in life as your education, how you're doing in school.


More and more, the kinds of opportunities that are open to you are going to be determined by how far you go in school. The farther you go in school, the farther you're going to go in life. And at a time when other countries are competing with us like never before, when students around the world in Beijing, China, or Bangalore, India, are working harder than ever, and doing better than ever, your success in school is not just going to determine your success, it's going to determine America's success in the 21st century.


So you've got an obligation to yourselves, and America has an obligation to you, to make sure you're getting the best education possible. And making sure you get that kind of education is going to take all of us working hard and all of us working hand in hand.


It takes all of us in government -- from the governor to the mayor to the superintendent to the President -- all of us doing our part to prepare our students, all of them, for success in the classroom and in college and in a career. It's going to take an outstanding principal, like Principal Neff, and outstanding teachers like the ones you have here at Masterman -- teachers who are going above and beyond the call of duty for their students. And it's going to take parents who are committed to your education.


Now, that's what we have to do for you. That's our responsibility. That's our job. But you've got a job, too. You've got to show up to school on time. You've got to pay attention in your class. You've got to do your homework. You've got to study for exams. You've got to stay out of trouble. You've got to instill a sense of excellence in everything that you do. That kind of discipline, that kind of drive, that kind of hard work, is absolutely essential for success.


And I can speak from experience here because unlike Kelly, I can't say I always had this discipline. See, I can tell she was always disciplined. I wasn't always disciplined. I wasn't always the best student when I was younger. I made my share of mistakes. I still remember a conversation I had with my mother in high school. I was kind of a goof-off. And I was about the age of some of the folks here. And my grades were slipping. I hadn't started my college applications. I was acting, as my mother put it, sort of casual about my future. I was doing good enough. I was smart enough that I could kind of get by. But I wasn't really applying myself.


And so I suspect this is a conversation that will sound familiar to some students and some parents here today. She decided to sit me down and said I had to change my attitude. My attitude was what I imagine every teenager's attitude is when your parents have a conversation with you like that. I was like, you know, I don't need to hear all this. I'm doing okay, I'm not flunking out.


So I started to say that, and she just cut me right off. She said, you can't just sit around waiting for luck to see you through. She said, you can get into any school you want in the country if you just put in a little bit of effort. She gave me a hard look and she said, you remember what that's like? Effort? (Laughter.) Some of you have had that conversation. (Laughter.) And it was pretty jolting hearing my mother say that.


But eventually her words had the intended effect, because I got serious about my studies. And I started to make an effort in everything that I did. And I began to see my grades and my prospects improve.


And I know that if hard work could make the difference for me, then it can make a difference for all of you. And I know that there may be some people who are skeptical about that. Sometimes you may wonder if some people just aren't better at certain things. You know, well, I'm not good at math or I'm just not really interested in my science classes.


And it is true that we each have our own gifts, we each have our own talents that we have to discover and nurture. Not everybody is going to catch on in certain subjects as easily as others.


But just because you're not the best at something today doesn't mean you can't be tomorrow. Even if you don't think of yourself as a math person or a science person, you can still excel in those subjects if you're willing to make the effort. And you may find out you have talents you never dreamed of.


Because one of the things I've discovered is excelling -- whether it's in school or in life -- isn't mainly about being smarter than everybody else. That's not really the secret to success. It's about working harder than everybody else. So don't avoid new challenges -- seek them out, step out of your comfort zone, don't be afraid to ask for help. Your teachers and family are there to guide you. They want to know if you're not catching on to something because they know that if you keep on working at it, you're going to catch on.


Don't feel discouraged; don't give up if you don't succeed at something the first time. Try again, and learn from your mistakes. Don't feel threatened if your friends are doing well; be proud of them, and see what lessons you can draw from what they're doing right.


Now, I'm sort of preaching to the choir here because I know that's the kind of culture of excellence that you promote at Masterman. But I'm not just speaking to all of you, I'm speaking to kids all across the country. And I want them to all here that same message: That's the kind of excellence we've got to promote in all of America's schools.


That's one of the reasons why I'm announcing our second Commencement Challenge. Some of you may have heard of this. If your school is the winner, if you show us how teachers and students and parents are all working together to prepare your kids and your school for college and a career, if you show us how you're giving back to your community and your country, then I will congratulate you in person by speaking at your commencement.


Last year I was in Michigan at Kalamazoo and had just a wonderful time. Although I got to admit, their graduating class was about 700 kids and my hands were really sore at the end of it because I was shaking all of them. (Laughter.)


But the truth is, an education is about more than getting into a good college. It's about more than getting a good job when you graduate. It's about giving each and every one of us the chance to fulfill our promise, and to be the best version of ourselves we can be. And part of that means treating others the way we want to be treated -- with kindness and respect. So that's something else that I want to communicate to students not just here at Masterman but all across the country.


Sometimes kids can be mean to other kids. Let's face it. We don't always treat each other with respect and kindness. That's true for adults as well, by the way.


And sometimes that's especially true in middle school or high school, because being a teenager isn't easy. It's a time when you're wrestling with a lot of things. When I was in my teens, I was wrestling with all sorts of questions about who I was. I had a white mother and a black father, and my father wasn't around; he had left when I was two. And so there were all kinds of issues that I was dealing with. Some of you may be working through your own questions right now and coming to terms with what makes you different.


And I know that figuring out all of that can be even more difficult when you've got bullies in a class who try to use those differences to pick on you or poke fun at you, to make you feel bad about yourself.


And in some places, the problem is even more serious. There are neighborhoods in my hometown of Chicago, and there are neighborhoods right here in Philadelphia where kids are doing each other serious harm.


So, what I want to say to every kid, every young person -- what I want all of you -- if you take away one thing from my speech, I want you to take away the notion that life is precious, and part of what makes it so wonderful is its diversity, that all of us are different. And we shouldn't be embarrassed by the things that make us different. We should be proud of them, because it's the thing that makes us different that makes us who we are, that makes us unique. And the strength and character of this country has always come from our ability to recognize -- no matter who we are, no matter where we come from, no matter what we look like, no matter what abilities we have -- to recognize ourselves in each other.


I was reminded of that idea the other day when I read a letter from Tamerria Robinson. She's a 12-year-old girl in Georgia. And she told me about how hard she works and about all the community service she does with her brother. And she wrote, "I try to achieve my dreams and help others do the same." "That," she said, "is how the world should work." That's a pretty good motto. I work hard to achieve my goals and then I try to help others to achieve their goals.


And I agree with Tamerria. That's how the world should work. But it's only going to work that way if all of you get in good habits while you're in school. So, yes, each of us need to work hard. We all have to take responsibilities for our own education. We need to take responsibility for our own lives. But what makes us who we are is that here, in this country, in the United States of America, we don't just reach for our own dreams, we try to help others do the same. This is a country that gives all its daughters and all of its sons a fair chance, a chance to make the most of their lives and fulfill their God-given potential.


And I'm absolutely confident that if all of our students -- here at Masterman and across this country -- keep doing their part, if you guys work hard and you're focused on your education, you keep fighting for your dreams and then you help each other reach each other's dreams, then you're not only going to succeed this year, you're going to succeed for the rest of your lives. And that means America will succeed in the 21st century.


So my main message to all of you here today: I couldn't be prouder of you. Keep it up. All of you I know are going to do great things in the future. And maybe some time in the 21st century, it's going to be one of you that's standing up here speaking to a group of kids as President of the United States.


Thank you. God bless you, and God bless the United States of America. Thank you

Tune in for Change

It is quite disappointing to know that American Public School students’ must have a signed parent consent form to view President Obama’s Back-to-School Speech.
America….., I respect the fact that each individual has the right to disagree with our President’s course of actions when it comes to taxes, defense, agriculture, laws, and so forth; But to unashamedly refuse your child the privilege to listen to our President’s Address, just because you do not see eye-to-eye with him on various issues, is simply unacceptable. Especially when American Public Schools are performing at an all time low in comparison to other countries. Need I remind you, we rank 25th among industrial nations in math and science. There is a problem, right?
In order for our children to compete on a global level they must be given each and every opportunity to be challenged to rise to the academic occasion. Our children are in desperate need of people who are in positions of power to help prepare them to be future leaders of America. I ask, “Who is in a more leading position than President Obama to steer our children in the right direction?” “No one!”
I firmly believe President Obama when he says, “Change we can believe in.” In my opinion, it is well past time for us to start supporting our President and allow him to be the catalyst that will bring much needed positive change to our failing school systems.
In closing, I refuse to believe that parents are not allowing their children to view President Obama’s speech because of his race, religion or political views, so I will not make use of that card. However, I do know that parents are well aware that there is a problem with the quality of education their children are receiving and we must address the matter now.
A time for change is now! Thank you Mr. President, and I look forward to listening to your speech tomorrow.

Og Mandino

I am here for a purpose and that purpose is to grow into a mountain, not to shrink to a grain of sand. Henceforth will I apply ALL my efforts to become the highest mountain of all and I will strain my potential until it cries for mercy.

Valid Randomness

Because someone told me to be the amazing person I am....I have learned to be confident, take risk, savor every moment, cultivate new friendships, love, pray and most of all, be true to myself.


In being true,
I accept the things that make me unique.
Appreciate everything that makes me happy.

Live in the moment.

Never hold a grudge.

Forgive.

Be kind.

Be honest.

Cherish the ones that love me.

Lend a helping hand to anyone in need, and not expect anything in return.

Recognize a bridge over water.

Accept the things I do not have control over,

But to learn the lessons they offer.

I’m still learning…..Life is the greatest stage.

A random post to those who cared enough to read between the lines of My Life.

Patriarchy damages men Part 2....."I'm just saying"

While keeping in mind the conflicting efficacy of patriarchy being a very complex issue for some, let me forewarn you my views will more than likely come out a tad over-simplistic; and at times suggest this unexplained phenomenon to be a human rights issue. Speaking strictly from personal experience and presenting my passionate idealogy, I think most issues associated with patriarchy are breed from socially accepted societal rules of a given region.


Not to ignore Jo’s well-presented analysis supporting her thoughts about patriarchy damages men; I will not make addressing that one issue my main focus. My beliefs stem from what I feel should be the most practical and effective solution to educate and resolve issues that surround the imblanced treatment of women. Whether it is the right to vote, marry, be educated, own businesses or the other numberous advantages that men share in their communities. This list should not be allowed to continue to rear its ugly face so that women are subjected to the mistreatment of a male dominated society in which they have little to no rights.

Not to generalize the male species as the villians of these evils but to point out obvious characterisitcs of the plight of patriarchy as an oppressive component that diminishes women and humanistic values as a whole. The trickle down effect that allows men to be the benefactors of a “good life” does not allow the same for women as human beings. Women are human beings that should be born into a world that encourages “good life.” By “good life,” I am suggesting equal opportunities/rights to make decisions about ones future, whether it is to surrender to traditional customs of her environment or be allowed to live in an environment that enriches the quality of life for everyone.

I have noticed that in the poorest societies women are treated the worst by men who would be considered destitute by men in countries that favor women’s rights. It is my opinion that these men are uncultured and reprehensible in their thinking. With saying that, my suggestion to those countries that are among the poorest—they should model other countries that are moving forward toward a “good world.”



Not done…Part III.

Life.

Patriarchy Damages Men too...no really, Part I

In doing what has become a daily routine of never ending blog reading/skimming, I came across an interesting blog entry, Patriarchy Damages Men too….No Really. This entry immediately took me aback to those days as an undergraduate student attending an all girls university; The constant debate of matriarchy vs. patriarchy, professors imposing their viewpoints, female protagonist fighting to be heard, and of course, I cannot leave out the girls who simply could care less (lost girls).


As with most blog entries that I find interesting, it has become second nature to leave a commit and move to the next. However, the ideas in this blog hit home. The author and audience touched on some issues that I have not contemplated in some time and have shielded some new light on the subject.

Concomitantly, I do support some of the views Jonubian suggests; I question her intentions and aim on various statements.

Before I post my (varying) opinions on the entry, I ask that you read it for yourself and in a day or so I will hopefully present a more detailed commentary. Right now I am still chewing and spitting!

Article as follows:
 
Patriarchy damages men too...no really
 
I love Black men.


I love Black men. I think my adoration comes from dancing with my father, my feet on his, to Otis Redding records. Or possibly from my big brother always allowing me to ride shotgun, regardless of what friend of girlfriend was also riding, in his candied Monte Carlo with the booming system. It is the men in my life who remind me not to subscribe to any agenda that diminishes them. However, my love for them also mandates that I create an honest space where I can openly discuss how they hurt me, and more often themselves and our community holistically. While I understand that these conversations create apprehension, a sort of uneasiness, both in my personal and professional relationships, I still must speak. Sister Audre reminds me that my silence will not protect me, and also that we must love AND resist simultaneously in order to survive.

bell hooks, in a chapter entitled “Understanding Patriarchy” (from her book The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity and Love) defines patriarchy as:

…a political-social system that insists that males are inherently dominating, superior to everything and everyone deemed weak, especially females, and endowed with the right to dominate and rule over the weak and to maintain that dominance through various forms of psychological terrorism and violence.
I know my mere mention of this definition alerts some men to prepare a defense. Here comes Jo with her feminist/womanist/ men stay losing talk. Not so. Although hooks defines patriarchy in respect to the way it oppresses and violates women, this post is about men- my brothers- who I hope can recognize how the boxes that allow them to dominate, control, and seem superior to others also entangle and entrap them. Khalil Gibran, in speaking of love, preaches, “For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you”(that’s another post, but WORD LIFE, Khalil). This hypothesis concerning love can also be applied to theories of sexism, misogyny and patriarchy, which is the social system that all of these behaviors are attributed to.
Patriarchy is a disease…
Patriarchy affects men so deeply, most times without them knowing, that the average man does not understand the term or its proper use. Yet, as hooks also points out, it is “the single most life-threatening social dis­ease assaulting the male body and spirit in our nation.” Let’s pause. How can this be? How can a socio-political construct that provides men with so much privilege also threaten their health and livelihoods? Well there are volumes of books written to explore this ideal, but what sits at the center of it all is this: men, when they subscribe to traditional gender roles, are left without the ability to realize their full humanity.
Traditionally, men are raised to believe that God (who is male) created the world specifically for their use. They are born to conquer (with force) and are supposed to be as callous as stone. Men are never to be questioned, or better still to have questions. Boys don’t cry or show any emotion really- I mean not if they want to be considered a “real” boy and not some “sissy” or “faggot” (I deliberately use these belittling and offensive terms after thumbing through James Baldwin’s discussion of his encounters with sexism in his essay “Freaks and the American Ideal of Manhood”). Subsequently, women were designed by (the male) God to serve men on their quest to conquer…everything- other men, women, children, the world, the universe. Black men are especially negatively impacted by these connotations, because in many ways they are expected to be hyper-masculine.Western culture mandates that Black men are the most aggressive, dominating, and savage of all. At the same time however, Black men are often deprived of those privileges that allow them to be seen as a men- in the traditional sense of the word. Ralph Ellison’s Invisible Man comes to mind when I consider this dichotomy. He writes:
I am an invisible man. I am a man of substance, of flesh and bone, fiber and liquids – and I might even be said to possess a mind. I am invisible, understand, simply because people refuse to see me.
If such an opposition doesn’t create some sort of schizophrenia within Black men, I’m not sure what could. Our men are left to internalize this contradiction and attempt to maneuver through and around it in silence. Its and impossible feat that is killing them, inside and out.
Twitter tells no lies…



But what happens when one can not be the man society socializes him to be? A few of my twitter friends provided some exceptional insight when I asked, “How does patriarchy hurt men?” Alicia Sanchez (@aliciasanchez) sent me a link to this fantastic poster, which begins by stating, “For every girl who is tired of acting weak when she is strong, there is a boy who is tired of pretending to be strong when he feels vulnerable.” Wow. When I speak of men not being able to realize their full human potential, it begins precisely with this concept of masculinity. It is impossible for any human being to always be strong and courageous and fearless. Men though, are not allowed moments of fear, of indecision, of sadness- or even moments of extreme happiness or passion for that matter. The result of this lack of human feeling and emotion is a life of suppression, depression, and abuse towards those who are allowed to express those emotions and feelings. Lorde asserts:



Men who are afraid to feel must keep women around to do their feeling for them while dismissing us for the same supposedly “inferior” capacity to feel deeply. But in this way also, men deny themselves their own essential humanity, becoming trapped in dependency and fear.



She goes on to say that she challenges her son to fight patriarchy by not allowing him to think that she is to navigate his feelings for him. Epic. Another friend, Ndada Vaz (@cadillackitty) noted how men’s reading choices are affected by patriarchy, specifically in their not being avid readers of fiction. “… men read autobiographies, reports etc. because the emotion is removed in the ‘reporting’. in fiction emotion tends to be internal.” Hmph. What a nuanced form of oppression it is to have one’s reading habits dictated. Sure we are aware that women are told what to say and read, how to behave, what is socially acceptable and unacceptable, but we must also realize that men have the same demands placed upon them, and are none the better for it. What of the man who prefers to be an artist instead of a ball player (especially in the Black community)? Of course I know that there are Black male artists, just as there are Black female hoopers- the question is, what is the cost of the pursuit? And what happens to those men who are not strong enough to relinquish those crowns and privileges to be who they really desire to be?



I want a partnership, so should he…



Many of my male twitter friends, like Wise Naim (@wisemath) noted that patriarchy takes from men the opportunity to have true equally partnered relationships with women. I can personally attest to the reality of this issue. In many ways my ex husband was emotionally withdrawn and unavailable- not at all because he didn’t desire to be kind or caring, but because he didn’t feel that it was safe to do so, he didn’t have the tools to do it, and society told him that his wife (who is a woman) is not allowed to instruct him on how to. Additionally, other relationships that I’ve had ended because some of those men could not digest the idea that I may be more educated or earn more money than them. Traditionally, men are the providers and are supposed to be intellectually and financially superior to the women in their lives, therefore being with a woman who is smarter or more financially sound than him is deemed emasculating. Again, Black men are particularly affected by this issue because statistics show that in many cases Black women are better educated and higher paid. I sincerely believe that the fix to the many issues that Blacks face in love relationships lies in a need to shift the paradigm of traditional relationship and gender roles. Unfortunately, patriarchy does not allow for such transitions to be feasible. It’s tragic, really.



Patriarchy literally kills…



There is a much more gruesome manner in which patriarchy destroys men. It happens when this idea of dominating and killing overrides the basic decent and human characteristics that allow us to peacefully co-exist. One can consider the case of Tekerrious “T.K.” Jackson, a six year old boy who was beaten to death (over a period of weeks actually) by his father. When investigators asked Alex Duncan why (or how) he abused his son to the point of death, he replied “he was trying to discipline his child, to teach him how to “man up.”" The idea that a child is expected to be a man, and a man in a very violent and artificial manner, to the point where he loses his life is just inexplicably wretched. It may be safe to say that Duncan was repeating behavior that he himself was subjected to as a child and as an adult. Either way, a child is dead and another child (or possibly children) will undoubtedly grow up without a father.



We all lose when the mental disease of patriarchy inhibits us from reaching our full potential. The foremost quote in this post from Audre Lorde prescribes a solution to the dilemma we face. We simply have to raise our sons to be the men we want our daughters to live among. As women, we owe it to the men in our lives to address patriarchy at its core and explain that they don’t have to subscribe to the associated social mandates that are meant for their demise. Additionally, we must halt our own (often unchecked) perpetuation of patriarchy when we deal with men. As men, you have to be strong enough to be honest about who you are and demand your full humanity- to claim an existence that allows you to face disappointment, and hurt, and laughter, and love without feeling that those things make you unmanly. We just need to become better people. Period.



In closing, Lorde wrote this about raising her son:



The strongest lesson I can teach my son is the same lesson I teach my daughter: how to be who he wishes to be for himself…And this means how to move to that voice from within himself, rather than to those raucous, persuasive, or threatening voices from outside, pressuring him to be what the world wants him to be.



We all need healing. In the words of our African ancestors: Ase, let it come, let it be so.

Part I of Something Unexpected

“Rat poison should do the trick—it’s less detective,” Norah sighs as she slams down the receiver and leans against the wall fighting back tears.


Shelia, one of her closest and dearest girlfriends just informed her that she saw Norah’s husband enjoying the company of another woman at the Cabana Ultra Lounge last night in downtown Sacramento.

“She was tall, wearing a wavy wig. Thirty-five or so. I true believe. He was buying her champagne and showing her off to some business partners from work. Believe me—I would not tell you these things if I did not see them with my own eyes.”

Shelia pauses and Norah draws a deep breath—releases the air real fast.

“Are you sure Shelia, are you sure it was my Jason?”

“Of course it was HIM! I told you I saw him with my own true eyes God blessed me with. Girlfriend ‘dis is God’s honest truth. The only detail I failed to mention is that the Tall woman spoke with an unfamiliar accent. Maaaaaaaaay-be, (she drags the “a” as though in thought) from some island in the West Indies. I bet she is an illegal immigrant or something along those lines.”

“Okay girl, I believe you” Norah says.

She pictures the Tall woman Shelia just described; wavy wig and foreign accent.

“I thought it was important that I tell you. That’s what friends do. Now I feel terrible because I should have come over to tell you in person. I am sorry. Please let me know if I can do anything…….and one more thing, (she puts extra emphasis on one) do not tell Jason it was me who told you about the affair. You know how men get. I have done enough ALL-ready.” Shelia says loudly.

She walks back into the bedroom. The one she has only shared with her husband. Lies across their queen size bed. Jason never wanted to get a king size, because he said, “I fear it will make us grow apart—too much space is not good to sustain a healthy marriage.”

Lately, Jason has been working a lot of overtime at the office and getting home well after 11 P.M. on most nights. But he is always sure to call Norah and tell her “not to wait up,” and he always end the telephone conversation with “I love you dear.”

Norah now imagines Jason in the lounge with the Tall woman with the wavy wig and strange probably West Indian accent. She imagines the way he sucks her neck when they are making love, because he knows that is her weakest spot. Norah slowly turns over and looks up at the ceiling. Looking back at her is her own reflection. Jason had a ceiling- mirror installed when they first moved into their house. He decided that Greater Sacramento, Carmichael’s upscale mostly pale faced neighbor would be the perfect location to raise a family. The only problem, they have been living in the perfect home for nearly 4 years; and still, no children.

Secretly, not having any children upset Norah. She had not taken birth control for well over three years. She and Jason had been desperately trying to conceive for the past two. After the first year of trying to conceive and still no luck, Norah went to see her gynecologist to have infertility testing without Jason ever knowing. The results of the test were negative. The doctor even said her egg count was well within normal range for a woman her age and reassured her that she was in perfect health. However, the doctor did suggest Jason come in for testing. Norah knew she would not be able to convince her husband to visit a fertility clinic; just the thought of it would insult his manhood. So she put the possibilities of that becoming a reality far to the back of her mind as she did with many things these days.

Norah flashes back to the very first time she and Jason met. It was right after a breakup with her ex-boyfriend, Kevin. She was on an all girls’ vacation to the New Jersey Shore. As she was struggling to unload her designer Diane Von Furstenburg luggage, she looked over her shoulder and noticed a tall, premium Brazilian coffee colored skinned, well-defined features, thick eyebrows man with a smooth stride heading her way. He hurriedly ran over, grabbed Norah’s bags at the same time saying “let me get those for you.” Before Norah could turn down his help, he already had a bag in each hand.

What is he saying?

May be he is saying:

If time could stand still, I’d freeze it here,

So you’d always hold me, close and near.

In your arms, where I’m meant to be,

Filled with the perfect love you’ve given me.

A bond so strong, a hold so tight,

To know you’re the one; my ‘Mrs. Right’.

A blessing sent from up above,

In you I’ve found my one true love.

Our lives entwined to be as one,

 

Upon this journey we’ve just begun.

Where you and I will find no less,

Than eternal love and happiness.

- K. S .-

Half The Sky

An ancient Chinese proverb goes that women hold up half the sky.
Nicholas D. Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn want that to be appreciated — on the ground. --By IRSHAD MANJI, NYT


Half the Sky changed my life (for the better) in so many ways I do not know where to begin. This book is positively one of the most conscience inspiring books written. After the first page, the book captured my heart. This is such a well researched and well written book that I could not put it down. We all realize that women around the world face challenges that women in the United States never have to face. With that thought close to mind,  plan to have your eyes opened when you open this book. I challenge you not to be moved, and I dare you to do nothing after reading it. The women who share their stories here are some of the most audacious and strongest women ever, and they are changing their world for the better.

You did it. No, You did it!

Anytime

He Rocked Dallas this weekend.  Such a sweetheart and talent. Let this song speak for me.

Best Sellers

You are entering the.......

HaHa!  Just kidding around.


For real though...
In search of enlightenment I have compiled a booklist to serve as my faithful companion in the months to come.


The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest

The Girl Who Played with Fire

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.....All By- Stieg Larsson

Little Bee- Chris Cleave

Shanghai Girls –Lisa See

Half the Sky: Turning Oppression into Opportunity for Women World Wide
By Nicholas Kristof, Sheryl WuDunn

Mudbound- Hillary Jordan

Made for Goodness: And why this makes all the difference Desmond Tutu & Mpho TuTu

Strength in What Remains- Tracy Kidder

What is the What: The Autobiography of Valentino Achak Ding by Dave Eggers

A Long Way Gone: Memoirs of a Boy Soldier by Ishmael Beah

The Help- Kathryn Stockett


I just finished A Piece of Cake by Cupcake Brown.  All in all, a wonderfully paced memoir.

http://www.cupcakebrown.com/index2.html

Thanks to my bookclub sisters, see yall' Saturday!

My Day with The Alchemist

This is an honest attempt to offer a brief retrospection of significant ideals I found most intriguing as I flipped through the pages of Paulo Coelho’s novel, The Alchemist.
This book has rested on my bookshelf for well over a year now; and it behooves me why I never took an immediate interest to read it before now. I am sure my disinterest has something to do with timing, along with my many reading mood swings and an overload of “must-read-books.” Whatever the case and cause, I am most pleased that the universe was in agreement this morning as I grabbed the book off the shelf. As fate would have it, The Alchemist satisfied my avidity for a better understanding about life, love and the magical powers of the universe.
It is getting late, so I am not going to entertain you with a bunch of literary criticism nor give explicit details about the entire story. Even though Paulo cunningly and brilliantly uses literary devices to his advantage in order to develop a clear message and masterpiece. However, I will keep it simple and hopefully craft out something useful; delivering it using my own personal style, whether it is grammatically correct or a bit blemished. Sometimes going against the grain gives a story voice; at least that is my intention.
It would be quite easy to simply say that The Alchemist is a great story; conversely, this would be an understatement and truly a disservice to the author. The Alchemist touched my inner being and spoke to me like no other book has done. When I need encouragement, wisdom, truth, knowledge and a teaspoon of inspiration I automatically look to J. Cooper, R. Warren, R. Wright, F. Haynes, M. Angelou, The Bible, The Koran (Qu'ran) and recently W. Kamkwamba (no particular order). Today I am adding to this list of great intellectuals Paulo Coelho, as I continue in the search for my “Personal Legend.”
Santiago is the main character that is faced with the decision of going after his dream of traveling verses becoming a Priest, as his parents had hoped. Ironically, he decides to go against is parent’s will and go after his dream of traveling, which in doing so he becomes a shepherd.
Through his travels as a young shepherd he conveniently meets a host of influential people who seem to push him toward his “Dream.” Eventually, Santiago decides to pursue his dream of going to the Great Pyramids of Giza to find his treasure (true calling). In short, Santiago’s persistence to find great fortune and wealth articulates the notion of going after ones dreams in order to find your personal identity is worth taking the risk. In a real sense, this applies to the universal theme of life, fulfillment. In risk taking there are always tests. Notably, the test of trusting oneself as Paulo cleverly demonstrates throughout the story. Santiago had to allow trust into his heart since “the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself.” Trust is the ultimate objective in the search for identity. When we doubt ourselves as Santiago did, we are sometimes fortunate enough to have the right person there to step in and give us confidence. That is the idea that “when you want something, the entire universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” In simpler terms, this means when you want something in life it is most probable that the universe will be of assistance in gaining it for the only “thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve…[is] the fear of failure.” By the same token, your personal identity will not be granted without recognizing the authenticity of dreams.

Fast forward to one of my favorite parts, i.e., Santiago meets Fatima.
As Santiago continues his quest to find his treasure, he meets Fatima; and falls in love with her the moment he lays eyes on her. At this point in Santiago’s quest his heart allows him to trust the world as the soul of it speaks to that part of him that makes him feel what real love feels like. Fatima’s uncommon way of showing him her love makes Santiago to be even more devoted to her. I say uncommon because she loves him enough to not stand in the way of him going after his Personal Legend. Fatima is wise beyond her years. She realizes Santiago would probably eventually resent his decision to stay with her if she insisted that he give up on his dream. Instead, she speaks to him in a way no other woman has ever done-- “you told me that you loved me. Then, you taught me something of the Universal Language and the Soul of the World. Because of that, I have become part of you.” She gives him confidence to continue his journey toward self-fulfillment –“the dunes are changed by the wind, but the desert never changes. That’s the way it will be with our love for each other.”
For me, Fatima is like a sister that has always been apart of my life. In my own personal journey in trying to find answers about life and its coincidences; it is clearer to me why I have had and continue to go through certain tests. The test of life is finding-“Discovering things along the way that I never would have seen, had I not had the courage to try things that seemed impossible to achieve.”
And with that chew and please swallow post…..I’m bushed. Though there are many motifs I didn’t touch on, I hope that I have shared with you my opinions of The Alchemist and of my personal reflective life experiences I found important as I read the book.
Maktub!


*If you want to know what the word Alchemist/Alchemy means, you’ll have to read it for yourself.

Musical Inspiration

What Is Love?

The word love is not just “like a whole lot”. There are many forms of love. And they are not equal.

Our english language does not explain them very well. Ancient Greek had five different words for love.

Storge – natural affection for your family
Eros – attractive and possessive love
Epithumia – lust or passion
Filio – love/friendship/to kiss
Agape- self-sacrificing love, unselfinterested love

I think there is a hierarchy of love:

Storge, Eros and Epithumia can not replace Filio or Agape. Agape is the greatest of all.
Storge I find to be the lowest form of love…its what keeps a mother saying she loves her son when he is a mass murder or rapist.
Eros is lust – where we get the word erotic from and I think we all know what it means
Epithumia is a step beyond Eros – With Epithumia you can “love a person – yet kill them to keep them from leaving you”. If you truly loved a person – you would wish for their happiness even if it ment being apart from you.
Filio is where the word Philadelphia comes from…brotherly love. It actually means “to kiss on the cheek”.
Agape – love given freely with no expectation of return.
Agape love the highest form of love. It is “if you love it you let it go” love. Agape love means you give with no expectation of receiving anything in return. If we all had agape love the world would be a better place. Agape love means you love a person even when they can’t love you in return. Agape love means loving enough to let a person go. It means loving a child enough to tell them no even when that makes them cry their eyes out. Agape love means putting others before you.

The beautiful thing about Agape is, the more you give out, the more filled you will be.

"Don't fret about the opportunities you've missed. Instead, discover how those opportunities have now evolved. The pathway may look different now, yet it is indeed still there. Confidently take that first step, and begin to do what you've always wanted to do." (Michael Littlejohn)

A remarkable story of courage and determination. William has inspired me to go that extra mile when I think my goals are unattainable. You only get one life, so make the best of it with what you have, and where you are. Thanks William.
-T. Williams

“The Boy Who Harnessed the Wind” is the inspiring story of a young man in Africa who used the only resources available to him to build a windmill and elevate the lives and spirits of those in his community. William Kamkwamba’s achievements with wind energy should serve as a model of what one person, with an inspired idea, can do to tackle the crisis we face. His book tells a moving and exciting story.”
— Al Gore, former Vice President and Nobel Laureate

“This is an amazing, inspiring, and heartwarming story! It’s about harnessing the power not just of the wind but of imagination and ingenuity. Those are the most important forces we have for saving the planet. William Kamkwamba is a hero for our age.”
— Walter Isaacson, author, Einstein: His Life and Universe

Happy Birthday First Lady Michelle Obama

Wishing you a wonderful birthday!

He IS

Since I failed to mention the importance of letting go and letting God in my last entry, Please allow me to do so at this time (that’s the good thing about God’s grace, he allows us to repent of our sins and hold no ill will).
In order for 2010 to be a year filled with blessings from the most high. I am a true believer that it is of great importance to do away with worrying about trivial and unimportant matters that I have no control over. As I sat in church today, I was reminded that God has and will always supply all of my needs. The foundation of all my endeavors must be to always put God first and everything else will fall into its rightful place. Not to say that I will have a year without trials and distress. I will be better prepared to handle and make wiser decisions. So, as I start this journey into 2010 I will keep God’s words close to my heart (mind).

I will never get this thing called Life right. Hey, But I'm quite alright with that!

Matthew 6:25-34 (New International Version)
Do Not Worry
25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life[a]?
28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Twenty-Ten

2010 is now. I am looking forward to not only a good year, but a great
decade. Moving forward I will lay the groundwork for many projects and
initiatives. I find it important to emphasize and remind myself of the
philosophy that will reside as the foundation of these efforts: Quality
over Quantity. It is a simple idea but one that gets lost in the shuffle
of everyday operations. I am different. I set my own standard. I play by
my own terms since I have decided to participate in this game of life.

So even if it takes more time to produce a great work then so be
it. At the end of it all, the product and process is more important than
the payout. Besides, if I produce enough quality I'll eventually have
quantity. It's that simple. Looking ahead to a good Life.